If you have been reading my blog so far, you know that I am very vocal about everything that's wrong with the goth scene, alternative modeling world and world in general, that I "hate too much" as some people say, or that I "say what's on everyone's mind but nobody dares to say it out loud and in public" as some other, more wise people say So, I have to warn you that you are in for a big surprise with this one!
I get a lot of messages from girls and boys asking me what to do to become a model, telling me that they are not pretty enough, or special enough, and asking how to improve themselves to become more "something".
Also, I get a lot of people telling me their sad life stories- how they never became actors/writers/musicians, and they always wanted to. I see that every day. We live in a world that tells us what we can and what we can't achieve, that judges us by some vain-man-made rules, pushes us through molds and filters, standards and regulations, as if we were factory products! Many people asked me "How does it feel to be a writer? What does it take?" and they asked me that only when my book is on it's way to the store shelves. I tell those people that they are a bit late with that question. You want to be a writer? Then you write! And you are one the moment you put your first words from your soul on the paper. You don't need a publisher to tell you you did a good job, you don't need an award to recognize your hard work and devotion. You do not need to get approval from anyone to know you do something because that is what makes you happy, that is who you are.
But most of all, you do not, must not listen to anyone who says that you can't do this or that. You are never too old to become a model, to "fat" to do a photo shoot in a bikini, to "ugly" to wear awesome makeup and hair and enjoy smiling for the camera. You are never too ordinary to become something extraordinary. Every single one of us has a piece of magic, a hidden talent somewhere inside. And it will crawl and scratch it's way out of your skin, it will ask to be heard and released into the world. Is it origami animals making? Is it singing, or drawing, or dancing, or writing? It doesn't matter! It is you! It is your strong and beautiful soul screaming to be free, and you should let it be. People who tell you you can't do it are people who are afraid of your success and envious of your beauty and strength.
I believe it is your duty, your holy calling, to be who you are, and to express that. So don't fight with small minds and people who can't find that inner voice and so desperately crave for it. Let me tell you this, and I stand by every word- YOU CAN DO IT. You can be who ever you want, and the world will take notice of your worth one day. No light that shines so bright can be ignored. And no, this is not some washed out random motivational speech, this is the truth I live every day.
It is hard when you have to fight this war alone, but most of the time you have a guardian angel you didn't recognize before, someone that pushes you through by believing in you and helping you to see how much you can do. I have one, and she is my most precious companion on this long road. I always dreamed of becoming a writer, and I was always waiting for some super-busy company director of publishing house to tell me that I am. But then I realized, I was a writer ten years ago, not when he told me my book is good. I knew that, because it came from the most beautiful place inside of me. Not everyone knows their soul and spirit, not everyone sees deeper, past the surface. And you should feel sorry for those people, not let them cut your wings off.
So please, don't undermine yourself, don't doubt, don't think you are not good enough to live your dream, at least give it a shot, you will be amazed by how powerful you are. So believe me, if you dream of becoming something, you already are that something, just stop dreaming, wake up and take that first step. Life is too short to be afraid and insecure. Be a model, be a designer, be a writer, a poet, a cook, a gardener, a whatever you want!
I have been told so many times that I will never make it as a model- that I am too "unconventional". that I am too big for a model body shape, that I am too old to start that now... And guess what? I never paid attention to those words, and here I am, only looking forward, to become an even better version of everything I can be.
Shine, my darklings, and your life will become so much more for you and those who love you, and that is all that matters.